FIFA and France Football’s separate ‘world player’ awards merged in a startling union of cooperate filth-slinging last year and we’ve had to come to terms with it over the last 12 months. Surely now, we’re all over it. In fact we should be over lots of things. Maybe Joey Barton being a footballer will settle in at some point. Maybe England being rubbish at penalties will be taught in schools and maybe, just maybe,Barcelona’s Lionel Messi won’t win everything this year. Of course, some things we do not accept and I should think because of that universal condition, the little Argentinian will. Of course that is just one award and this year, Messi, his team-mate Xavi and Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo have been nominated. Who will be crowned ‘The Best Player in The World EVER… for a year until next year when we’ll choose another one who will probably just be one of these three again!’

So, enough mindless posturing and rebellious girth, we like goals goals. So, here we’re going to focus on FIFA’s Puskas Award which as the titles suggests, is about The Goal Of The Year. Here are this year’s nominations:

Lionel Messi v Arsenal: Messi’s chip against Arsenal’s goalkeeper is the goal of focus but here at WCS we like the finer things in life. So, here is a short video of one of his best European performances. Do, as we often so say when we’re about to smash a sausage roll in our faces, enjoy:

Wayne Rooney v Manchester City: Next up is Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney. His overhead kick versus rivals Manchester City caught the eye for it’s spectacular execution as well as being the goal that gave the reds a win. Fancy looking at it? Well, do ya, punk? [forgive the quality...apparently there's some kind of legal 'thing' in play when showing copyrighted video material]

Neymar v Flamengo: Last, but not least (as you will see…) is the Brazilian Neymar. His solo goal for Santos…oh just watch it will you?

So, who do you think should win Goal of the Year?

The UEFA Champions League group stage draw to a close this week with some choice ties for some of Europe’s largest clubs. Group A’s second spot is open for to play for with Bayern Munich topping the table with 13 points and thus having already qualified. Roberto Mancini’s Manchester City have been dominant in the Barclay’s Premier League but they have found their first season in the Champions League something of an eye opener.

It may sound cliché but you really do have to adapt to and adopt a new ethos when encountering Europe’s top sides in Europe’s top competition. Last year saw an impressive Tottenham Hotspur side baulk like rabbits in head lights when faced with their first trip to the San Siro and if it wasn’t for Gareth Bale’s hat-trick in a 3-4 defeat, Harry Redknapp’s men would have looked like amateurs after their first game to Internazionale. Their journey finished with a quarter-final exit to Real Madrid and City might find themselves playing in the UEFA Europa League come new year should they not beat Bayern and Villareal, who are already out of Europe, at least hold an impressive Napoli to a draw in Spain. Mancini surely has the backing of his chairman and directors for all the good work he’s done for the Manchester blues and there’ll have been no real expectation on City claiming the European Cup at their first attempt but it will still be a blow to the fans and players should they not make it to the knock-outs. Group A games take place on Wednesday 7th December. Predictions: Manchester City 2-2 Bayern Munich. Villareal 0-1 Napoli. Bayern and Napoli through.

Group B headed by an inconsistent Inter Milan who face CSKA Moscow in Italy for their final group game. The blue and black seem to still be suffering the post-Jose Mourinho blues as their league form has been dire – Claudio Ranieri’s side lost 0-1 at home to Udinese at the weekend and they lie at the bottom of the Serie A table. The real game in this group is between Lille and Trabzonspor. There is just a point between them and with a huge tie on Wednesday in France surely benefiting the home side, you’d argue that Joe Cole’s new club would be favourites to progress to the round of 16. Trabzonspor are not to be taken lightly however, as their 0-1 away win to Inter suggests. How far either team can go in the tournament remains to be seen, but if you want to see a crunch tie that will be full of nerves and possible fireworks, tune in to this match. CSKA are also able to qualify if they beat Inter as they are on 5 points along with Lille but you think that they have the harder task at the San Siro. Predictions: Inter 0-0 CSKA Moscow. Lille 1-1 Trabzonspor. Inter and Trabzonspor through.

Group C poses great interest. Manchester United are away to Basel FC with Benfica topping the group on goal difference and should they lose, they will find themselves playing in the UEFA Europa League for the first time in their history. Benfica are at home to competition new boys Otelul Galati and you’d expect a win there, so the focus is surely on Sir Alex Ferguson’s reds. Not only is there the matter of the win to consider but also trying to leave the group as top seeds in order to avoid the top teams in the knock-out stages. You can fully imagine a ‘go for the throat’ attitude being employed in order to rack up the goals but the English champions will have to be wary of conceding as they cannot afford a loss. Predictions: Basel 1-2 Manchester United. Benfica 2-0 Otelul. Benfica and Manchester United through.

Group D sees Real Madrid face off against second side Ajak in Holland. The Dutch need to avoid a loss to confirm their place in the next round but should they lose and Olympique Lyon grab a win at Dinamo Zagreb, the group will be turned on its head. Madrid, of course, stormed through the group and Jose’s Whites have also been performing well in La Liga. After last year’s exit to Barcelona, all the work has been on solidifying and neutralising the Catalan’s mesmeric midfield and the Madridstas are now one of the most dominant and effective counter-attacking sides. Predictions: Ajax 0-3 Madrid. Dinamo 0-1 Lyon. Madrid and Lyon through.

Another interesting group is Group E. Chelsea are in charge of their own destiny with a game at home to Spanish side Valencia. Andre Villa-Boas’ men need a win to secure qualification and cement a positive performance to counter their stuttering season’s form. Michael Ballack’s Bayern 04 Leverkusen aren’t yet qualified but with 9 points all they need realistically, is one point from their game away against Genk. Predictions: Chelsea 2-2 Valencia. Genk 0-2 Bayern Leverkusen. Leverkusen and Chelsea through.

Group F sees already qualified Arsenal away to Olympiacos, who are still ablee to qualify if they beat Arsene Wenger’s team and Marseille lose. The Frenchmen are away to the under-performing Borussia Dortmund. The Germans, who boast a vast amount of talent in their ranks have suffered in this year’s competition but are able to change the shape of the group. All sense points to a French qualification with Arsenal back on form and Borussia not quite at the races. Predictions: Olympiacos 1-1 Arsenal. Dortmund 1-1 Marseille. Arsenal and Marseille through.

Group G’s surprise comes in the form of Apoel topping the group with 9 points. Apoel are at home to Shaktar Donetsk and a draw will see them safe. The real crunch tie comes between FC Porto and Zenit St Petersburg in Portugal. Both sides are still able to qualify and with only a point between them this should be a match which tests nerves to the limit. Both teams are able to play attacking football but will either side wish to expose themselves to a potentially fatal goal? Predictions: Apoel 0-0 Shaktar. Porto 2-1 Zenit. Apoel and Porto through.

Group H is already wrapped with FC Barcelona as leaders and AC Milan taking the second spot. Still, there are the last games to play and Barca play whipping boys BATE Borisov at home and Milan are away to Viktoria Plzen. Predictions: Barcelona 4-0 BATE. Viktoria 0-2 AC Milan. Barcelona and Milan through.

Tables courtesy of http://www.uefa.com

The UEFA Euro 2012 groups draw has taken place and thrown the world some potentially mouth-watering early ties. Below you will see a list of all four groups and how the 16 teams line up. From the graphic above, you can see that every team has bet their entire economic survival on the tournament; such is the nature of the modern capitalist system – with it being so Gung Ho and fancy-free, why not? Unfortunately nations such as Turkey (and others who haven’t made it to the finals) have been politically dissolved and are currently having their borders annexed by the European Union. Hey, football is more important than life and or death, or cake. Supposedly.

For a somewhat confusing sideways look at the groups’ match schedule, go here. Or, you can look at this (click to enlarge):

As you can see, there are some awesome games of football set to take place. Germany v Portugal is the first big tie on Day 2 of the tournament and the young German side will later come up against Holland in what should be the match of the early rounds. Spain take on Italy, Republic of Ireland and Croatia and England face off against France. Stay tuned for updates closer to the competition.

Early talking points:

Wayne Rooney’s suspension. With the English FA’s appeal against Rooney’s 3-match ban taking place within the next week, all eyes will be on the outcome and subsequent change to Manager Fabio Capello’s 23-man squad. If Rooney is set to miss all the group games, will this be a plus or a minus for the Manchester United man and will it be fair to strikers who have performed well all season should Rooney miss those games and walk straight back into the team?

Italy. Will The Italians fair a lot better than they did at the 2010 South Africa World Cup, at which they failed to even get out of the groups? Coming up against a Spain side who have struggled with their recent friendly matches, will Marcello Lippi’s blues regain some sense of nation pride?

Will anyone bother watching the opening game featuring Poland v Greece?

…and finally…a message from Sepp Blatter:

“I control all…will Messi be at the Euros, in tiny shorts and Minstrel facepaint?”

Our minds have been blown here at World Cup Statistics. You can see a picture below, of Grandmaster Franco: The Lord Dominion of this site, with his ethereal mindscape becoming physical. This only ever happens when Sir Alex Ferguson picks Darron Gibson for his Manchester United matchday team, so you should be aware of the important of the revelation that has hit us as we sit pouring over Europe’s footysoccerball results and news.

“My mind, it is a God Space. Football, is my body.”

The thing that has hit us is the nature of media scapegoats. We’re but weeks into the new football season and most competitions have started off their early stages and already the media has labelled, pinched, harpooned and destroyed countless individuals within the football world. ‘Who is the scapegoat?’ I heard you ask. You, are the scapegoat. You are to blame. It’s your fault, readers, all yours.

The media thrust into our faces articles, blogs, comment pieces and speculation because it’s what the football fan wants. By want, they actually mean, ‘will have and that will hopefully lead to a validation their website’s advertising onslaught’ or to you paying a few pence for a copy of their dying paper publication. This isn’t particularly new and here at WCS we understand that the media savvy public are as tired of the usual ploys and capers of the big papers as we are at having to shout at our mums to iron our shirts because we’re going to the pub to talk about a game we’re rubbish at and women we’ll never marry but don’t know how to do it ourselves.

Okay, hear us out here. You watch football. The media write about every game or event. Naturally they’ll take sections of pre/post-match quotes and apply their own context and the idea is that such a creation will grab your attention and you check that site regularly for their new ‘scoop’ or you pay them money to inform you of things you have now become culturally addicted to: news, gossip, spin, new angles, life, death, expensive steak. They want you to want them because it makes them money. In order to keep ahead of the chasing pack they have various tricks up their sleeves. They have insiders, friends, sources and the out-of-context rent-a-lie ploys already mentioned. The fall out from all of this then becomes rebuttals and rebukes from those who are the focus of articles or blogs or pigeon messengers, and everything else in between. Either way, it generates more news.

They do this because of you. Or so they would have you believe. No, it’s just money and everyone else should be damned so let’s be realistic here.

Before Grandmaster Franco had his startling revelation he sat in a Sake bar with Rock Hard Paul from Hatfield. You remember him, don’t you? He was the guy WCS hired as muscle on transfer deadline day. You can read about him elsewhere on the site. Rock Hard Paul is a fan of Frank Lampard and he said that he was sick to death of how the media were making the most of his minimal exclusion from one England game and a couple of Chelsea games. This got everyone here at WCS Base thinking. Have we become no more than the aimless wafting crowd members you see in FIFA computer games?

Think about it. We sit, we watch football. We rant and rave and form opinions based on snippets of subjective information and we move along and like FIFA games, or people in multi-screen sports bars we are addicted to a lack of action. We need something to be happening at all times. We can’t sit through one match patiently so we put two or three on, with the radio, while playing a game or reading an article. News and sport culture is designed to supplant this behaviour into us and Rock Hard Paul came up with a great example when he stated the case of Frank Lampard. Of course, there are and have been other players who get the same treatment. Fernando Torres, is a case in point.

Articles appear about a top player when he does, well, anything. Frank Lampard was left out of England’s away match against Bulgaria in Sofia. Frank Lampard then found himself in and out of the Chelsea team – he was subbed of at half-time against Manchested United and left out v Swansea before starting against Valencia CF in the UEFA Champions League on the 28th September.

After he had been left out of the England team, papers and sites were awash with ‘Lampard: Finished’, ‘Lampard: Axed’, ‘Lampard: over’ type articles and as soon as he puts the ball past a Spanish defence while playing in a tough away game he is all of a sudden ‘Lampard is Back’. Well, He, and other players never went away. No, really. They weren’t dropped per say and they weren’t thrown on the scrap heap. It was just that a manager decided not to play them in whatever games he decided over the course of a 4 week period. That’s what happens in football, believe it or not but the culture of impatience means we are force fed waves of garbage about every little detail and it has to be dressed up and HUGE NEWS in order to have a reason to exist. It’s saturation media and ultimately the cause for so many improbably opinions about our wonderful game. Kids don’t have to work at playing football because they can press X on the Playstation pad and make a Xavi like pass. Maybe that’s an over-stated link but the point still stands, people are being sieved of their reason in favour of soundbite and popcorn entertainment media.

“I can no longer grasp anything reasonable.”

Look at that wobbling baby. That child has more sense than your local loudmouth at the corner of any given pub who rambles on about whatever he’s read in The Sun that morning. Snippet opinions, they’re called. You know the type of guy we’re talking about. The guy who is at the pub for every single game you could possibly get on television and yet spends the whole 90 minutes talking to someone about something else ony to go ‘Oooh’ and ‘Ahhh’ in all thee right places. This person has no patience beyond the goalmouth scrambles, long shots, super dribbles and handbag-slapping players at the end of injury time and it’s catching on. Football is entertainment, it always has been. It’s a game, a sport, something to do at the weekend so it shouldn’t be taken as serious as it is but news, and thus we, are serious as we are all influenced.

Would it not be a better and more suitable footballing world should we have less pointless gossiping drama about our supposed stars every two minutes? Look at it this way. Why have football clubs hired PR officers? Why are they so closed ranks these day? It’s because they fear the swill that comes from Fleet Street. Erase that, erase the barriers, erase the negativity. If you do that, players will talk more, do more, say more, be more involved with fans. Twitter has been a very good tool for communication between players and fans as now, footballers don’t have to use a middle man to air their opinions. Naturally they are bound by the various do’s and don’ts that most highly paid employees are too but the point is, they can talk to you now. It makes them real. They are no longer CGI Wayne Rooney, they are that bloke on the internet you say hello to in the morning.

So remember that when you click on that article or pick up that paper you’re probably being lied to. Take a leap of faith, stick with WCS in future…

MID -WEEK FOOTBALL RESULTS: UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE :

The world is a disturbing and dark place, full of danger and hellish ghouls who’ll take everything they can from you without mercy. We know, here at World Cup Statistics that liberalism is a fantastic idea but we also know the hard realities of truth and that sometimes, we need muscle, protection and someone to look after our frail, football-loving souls. The transfer window is now closed. Throughout the day there were tears, tantrums, arguments, conspiracies and people lost and gained new employment thus putting pressure on families, friends and most of all, football club chairmen all over Europe. It is a dangerous time in the year, transfer deadline day, so here at WCS we took our realistic world view and hired ourselves some meaty thug to keep us safe as we roamed the streets looking for information, news and the confirmation of transfers and pie prices in the south of England.

The man you see above is ‘Rock Hard Paul’ and he is from Hatfield. For those of you not in the know, that’s North London, ish. Anyway Paul was our protection today and it seems that his Vinnie Jones-a-like face eased our passage into and out of the capital and as a result, we were able to get all the big news on who went where and why.

WARNING – BIG NEWS – WARNING – BIG NEWS – £3.90 A PIE

England – The Barclays Premier League: Transfer Stories

The biggest stories from England most probably revolve around Arsenal. Given the state of their play and the hounding they’ve received from fans and media alike, it was always going to be the case that Mr. Wenger would dip into the board’s pockets and bring in some new players. Those players are Werder Breman’s Per Mertesacker, Fenerbache’s André Santos, Chelsea’s Yossi Benayoun, Monaco’s Park Chu-Young and Everton’s Mikel Arteta. Two defenders, a striker and two midfielders to replace the loss of Cesc Fabregas, Gael Clichy and Samir Nasri.

If you would have said to the Arsenal fans a few weeks ago that they would lose their three best players and then replace them with players you may never have heard of and those guys who used to play in Liverpool, I imagine their response would have been: “Has Nicklas Bendtner gone yet?” and the answer to that question would be a resounding yes. So, the loss of their best players is no biggie because the Best Player In The World™ has finally gone to, somewhere else. Okay he’s gone to Sunderland along with Manchester United’s Wes Brown and John O’Shea. Oh, the Bendtner move is only a loan. Sorry. So, will these players appease the fans? Will they help regain some of the form of their previous incarnation that had lovers of the game drooling like a retarded dog.

Chelsea didn’t manage to get Tottenham Hotspur’s Luka Modric and WCS spies state that Modric is currently looking at his reflection through hazy, reddened eyes while bashing his clenched fists on his make-up drawer while screaming at a torn picture of Harry Redknapp. Don’t worry, he’ll get over it. Chelsea have, however, bought Valencia’s Juan Mata and Anderlecht’s Romelu Lukaku. Oh, and Liverpool’s Raul Meireles at the last minute. Given Liverpool’s stacked midfield it wasn’t a surprise they outed some players as disposable, and Joe Cole’s transfer to Lille was evidence of that but Meireles’ move was something of a surprise. It was so much of a surprise that we had to dispatch ‘Rock Hard Paul’ to KO some hysterical woman who had taken it upon herself to climb upon the top deck of a London sight-seeing tour bus and hang unsafely from the guard rails screaming ‘it should never have been like this.’ Paul is an awful man and had no qualms about making her life a little bit more relaxed. Well, we like to think her state was to do with football. Anyway, given the absolute wealth of talent now within the Chelsea squad do not be surprised if they challenge on all fronts. There is still the matter (Mata, ha) of Fernando Torres’ supposedly horrific form to deal with. Of course that is a wild accusation and it’s early in the season and the addition of a few key players and the likes of Lukaku to play alongside will see the Spaniard have more than enough chances to bag a few goals. Plus, his all round play is rather good. Mata looked good on his first showing and Andre Villa-Boas’ first season in charge has started well.

Manchester United didn’t get Wesley Sneijder, but the followers of the mighty reds will say why bother going for him when there’s always Tom Cleverley? United’s business was wrapped up in the form of Ashley Young, David De Gea and Phil Jones and as of yet they have all seemed like perfect matches into the Ferg World Order. Will the new faces at Old Trafford be enough to conquer the Zeus-like power of Barcelona? No, but it’s going to be a laugh trying for the Red Devil’s players and fans.

Manchester City went a bit mental this transfer window but you can’t help but raise a smile to their project of domination. They purchased Sergio Aguero from Athletico Madrid, Samir Nasri and Gael Clichy from Arsenal and…oh, who is this? Oh, it’s Ex-Bayern Munich and non-Canadian Owen Hargreaves. He has signed on a one-year deal after a torrid time with injuries. The ex-England man has probably been brought as defensive midfield cover for Nigel ‘The Animal’ DeJong and is more than able, when fit, to provide a team with industry and guile. For some reason ‘Rock Hard Paul’ who is in fact a Wimbledon fan but likes Manchester United as his ‘Premier League team only’ is getting a tad twitchy as I write this. He’s sat looking at pictures of Hargreaves in a red shirt. I didn’t know he played for Liverpool formerly. How odd. I’ll get to the bottom of that later./p>

Tottenham fired off Peter Crouch, Wilson Palacios and Jonathan Woodgate to Stoke City, Alan Hutton to Aston Villa, Robbie Keane to David Beckham FC and successfully managed to fish hook West Ham’s Scott ‘Superman’ Parker, Emmanuel Adebayor, ‘Super’ Brad Fridel and Juventus‘ Yago Falqué. Many had expected Modric to go running to Chelsea but the men upstairs managed to keep hold of the wirey Croat for at least another season. With an entire central midfield injured and a season free of the Champions League, you wonder where Ol’ Arry’s team will end up given that Liverpool, Arsenal, Manchester City and Chelsea are likely to aiming for places in advanced standing of the North London club.

Italy – Serie A TIM: Transfer Stories

‘Rock Hard Paul’ doesn’t like Italians. He says it something to do with their wonderful skin, diet and lovely wine. He says they’re not manly because they have a high carb diet, whereas he prefers a heady feast of lentils and rye bread most days. He claims all their hooligan groups, the Ultras are just scared of their mothers and that the Italian Prime Minister is a political joke in contrast to Germany’s Angela Merkel. So, for this section, he’s gone outside to sharpen his crossbow arrows and brainwash a rabbit into being a vile, cannibalistic killing machine, much like the rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. ‘Rock Hard Paul’ is just misunderstood.

Inter Milan…oh, go on then: Internazionale, let serial white line abuser (goal scorer…the ball crosses the line. Why, what did you think we meant?) Samuel Eto’o swan off to Russia to the tune of £35 million and as a replacement they have drafted in Athletico Madrid‘s Diego Forlan and S.S Lazio‘s Mauro Zarate while lending Goran Pandev to Napoli for a couple of carrots and a pint of milk. Inter have also rid themselves of Marco ‘The Matrix’ Materazzi and spritely young left-back Davide Santon, who has gone to Newcastle United to look at pictures of Alan Shearer with hair.

A.C Milan head into the 2011/2012 season as champions and have set about strengthening their defence by luring Philippe Mexes from A.S Roma. They have also drafted in Alberto Aquilani and Taye Taiwo from Marseille while off-loading Andrea Pirlo, Alexander Merkel, Sokratis Papastathopoulos and Marco Borriello amongst others. Juventus have done a grand shop by bring in Pirlo, Simone Pepe, Mirko Vučinić, Arturo Vidal, Fabio Quagliarella and Marco Motta while casting Sebastian Giovinco, Hasan Salihamidžić, Mohamed Sissoko, Zdeněk Grygera and Tiago into the sea. Word has it that they’re all okay and have found other clubs to play at. Udinese lost Alexis Sanchez to The Winners of Football, Gokhan Inler to Napoli and Cristian Zapata to Villareal but they have enlisted some right dingers of a footyball player in Zeljko Brkic, Diego Fabbrini and Neuton. No, we’ve never heard of them either. Napoli managed to keep hold of pretty much everyone so there’s nothing to see there and A.S Roma have found at their door, in the middle of the night wrapped in a basket, Gabriel Heinze, Maarten Stekelenburg, Bojan Krkić, and Marco Borriello who you would argue are all good players. project Barcelona is a GO at Roma and their manager, Luis Enrique only has Francesco Totti to appease to no doubt find some strong footing as a Roma saviour. For now.

Ah,’Rock Hard Paul’ is back now we’ve moved away from Italy. It seems his fiscal and egalitarian preferences have found a second home in Spain, which is the country we’ll be visiting next. Let me tell you about Paul. He was a former thug who found solace in private security. A quick Google check of Hatfield shows that it has an official population of 29, 616 people – as of 2001. That means Paul is more able in one-to-one combat than the other 28, 615 people in his town. Such skills were obviously going to take him to heady heights so WCS hired him as our combat advisor. He will definitely be on call when El Clasico rolls around again. He saw the error of his ways when confronted by a brave midwife. Long story. Totally unrelated.

Spain – LigaBBVA : Transfer Stories

Kings of Football and Those Whose Height Matters Not a Jot in the Realm of Professional Sport, Barcelona, somehow, as if by complete surprise, managed to obtain the services of ex-Arsenal Spaniard, Cesc Fabregas. Where Mr. Fab will fit into a midfield already boasting the talen of Xavi, Iniesta, Busquests, Mascherano, Kieta and no doubt Pep Guardiola in training, is anyone’s guess. But, the boy’s come good and returned home to play for the best side in the world. Barcelona also managed to sign the rather exciting Chilean forward, Alexis Sanchez from Udinese. Sanchez’s contribution to the Udine’s cause last year was all too important in entertaining Italy and succeeding in finishing the league the Champions League qualification spots. Udinese were knocked out by Arsenal in the second round of qualification so they now look forward to meeting Stoke in the Europa League final in about 56 games’ times. Barca also sold out, only to contractually buy back, Bojan Kirkic to A.S Roma. It’s an odd deal and it’s best not to ask.

Real Madrid didn’t sign Manu Adebayor and have since let Fernando Gago leave through the back door. Kaka’s supposed move never happened and the Brazilian has decided to fight for his place even if last year’s Wunderkind, Mesut Ozil, was Madrid’s stand-out player. Cristiano Ronaldo is still hovering around in white blasting in goals like he’s getting paid for it or something and the acquisition of Nuri Sahin and Hamit Altintop from the German league will only strengthen the midfield of a club that is deranged in its obsession with toppling the Catalan side. Madrid have also added Fábio Alexandre da Silva Coentrão, to give him his full ‘copied from Wikipedia’ title and let Eddy Garay run off with Gago to pastures new, holding hands and kissing under apple trees. Athletico Madrid have lost their two main forwards but gained the services of ex-Juventus pla-maker and Brazilian Diego. It’s a surprising turn for Diego, a man at the centre of Werder Breman’s midfield for three seasons. He then transferred to Turin and for reasons unknown, was shipped back to Germany to join Wolfsburg. Perhaps he can finally settle in Spain and make the kind of contribution to a team many believe he is capable of.

Due to a current lack of Portuguese, German, Turkish and Scottish football writer, the finely-tuned transfers/deal of those league will have to be glossed over. The main news is that Emmanuel Eboue has gone to Galatasaray. Keep posted for ‘Eboue’s Odyssey,’ our special feature on this special man’s antics as a part of the Ottoman Empire.

Thanks for reading. Stay classy, Europe.

You can’t help but think you’ve been dragged into some kind of peculiar alternate dimension, can you? When in Odin’s eye did both Manchester clubs look so good? When, at only game three of the season, have both Manchester clubs looked so aggressively brilliant and skilled? When, has a hair transplant ever looked at good as Wayne Rooney’s? Stephen Ireland tried it at Manchester City and obviously the Sheikh Mansour view was that it wasn’t classy enough so he ended up at Aston Villa. It was a sign.

If you hadn’t noticed, today was the day Roberto Mancini’s side banged five goals past Tottenham Hotspur. It was a fantastic performance from the Italian’s team of superstars that had every plaudit in the land cleaning their spit from their shoes after much drooling about the style of attacking play demonstrated by a front four of Sergio Aguero, Edin Dzeko, David Silva and ex-Arsenal new-boy, Samir Nasri. Edin Dzeko has had a startling few games and is proving that the money spent on him was well worth it. He didn’t start firing until his second season at VfL Wolfsburg and his second-season-syndrome has kicked in now, it seems. He scored four goals today. That’s four very good goals against a decent side. The fact the man seems like an affable, humble type of chap just makes you like him even more and it’s fantastic to witness the type of project/team that has been assembled from Manchester City’s powerbase.

Oh, and if you hadn’t noticed today was the day United banged eight goals past Arsenal. Have you got that? That’s eight goals past Arsenal. Wayne Rooney scored three of them – two of them free-kicks – and helped set up, along side United’s new winger, Ashley Young, the team’s other 5 goals. It was a resounding and almost cruel display against an Arsenal side who have had nothing but foul luck for the last four weeks. You can’t help but look at United’s team, mixed with old and new but all young and athletic and wonder how fat they can go. Will they be able to get under the skin of Barcelona on the European stage? Will City make a dent on the Champions League, this being their first year in the competition? God, we’re salivating here at the prospect of an awesome season.

However, the purpose of this article isn’t to pour over the merits of either side in depth, as there’s a million and one articles/conversations already doing just that. The purpose of this article is to look *gulp* at international football. Well, this is World Cup Statistics after all and international football is our game.

Some of you will remember that television advertisement which jokingly spoke of joining together the two Manchester teams. This new team would be called Team Manchester and wear a purple jersey. Nice idea and one that isn’t going to be too far from the truth when the European Championships come around. “Why?” I hear you ask as you stuff crisps into your mouth while Rocky IV’s training montage blasts out from your television behind you.”Please tell us!” you exclaim, dying to know what the hell WCS is talking about as Sylvester Stallone takes over ITV 4′s airwaves late on a Sunday night. Well, we’ll tell you. In fact…we’ll show you:

This is the WCS Fantasy Manchester England X + Ashley Cole.

As you can see, it’s five players from either side and Ashley Cole – because he’s possibly the best left-back on the planet. Naturally this most probably won’t be the actual England team but it is theoretically possible to patch a team together which should be good enough to put on a decent show at the Euro’s and or subsequent World Cup in 2014.

The Break Down:

Goalkeeper – Joe Hart – Hart has proved himself as a more than accomplished goalkeeper, as confirmed by the fact he is Manchester City’s number 1. His appointment at such a young age holds shades of Iker Casilla’s burgeoning career at Madrid; years later he is still there, the captain and won’t be going anywhere for at least another 10. Hart will go on to be a City great, that much can be said. Will he prove to be England’s prime man between the sticks? This writer thinks the answer is yes.

Right-Back – Micah Richards – City’s behemoth right-back is quick, strong and slowly gaining the type of experience that will lead him to claim the RB spot for England as his sole duty and property for years to come. Richards had a promising start at City, but a few lapses in concentration brought about some undeserved criticism for someone so young. He played games at centre-back but found his natural position to be right-back and he’s never looked back.

Centre-Back – Chris Smalling - Smalling has proved to be a class act since arriving at Manchester United from Fulham. He is quick, actually rather tricky and most of all comfortable and sensible with the ball. He has been playing right-back for the starter games of the season but his initial position is centre-back so he is adept in both roles. Smalling’s seemingly advanced experience in contrast to his years should surely see him gain many England caps.

Centre-Back – Phil Jones - Phil Jones has Premier League experience and he seems very much like the calm, considered yet sturdy and string traditional English centre-back. He has replaced Namanja Vidic in light of the Serbian’s injury and hasn’t looked out of place or phased in the slightest. Like Smalling and Richards, Jones is multi-positional and able to play in midfield also. A serious keeping for the England side.

Left-back – Ashley Cole - The man who *scoff* let Cheryl Tweedy slip through his grasp is the best left back we have. So, there.

Left-Wing – Ashley Young - Quick, industrious, good positioning, strong, committed and did I mention quick? Young’s start to Manchester United life has been fantastic and he should operate on that left wing for England. With his abilities and excellent step up in level of football, why not?

Right-Wing – Andy Johnson - The exact same as Young. Johnson is perhaps underused at City but his qualities are obvious. He is speedy, direct and tricky and is able to deliver a final ball that strikers thrive off. He would be our best bet for a right winged attacking player and would compliment Young’s left-sided assault perfectly.

Centre-Midfield – Gareth Barry - Many aren’t too impressed with Barry, but given that England manager Fabio Capello and Robby Mancini swear by him, who are we to argue? Barry’s best position is in the centre of midfield, where he can help break up play and use his pious dedication to working hard to help drive the team forward while shielding the back four from opposition attacks.

Centre-Midfield – Tom Cleverley - Cleverley’s ascent has been joyous.He too is young, athletic, fast and his passing is reminiscent of a very young Paul Scholes; although obtaining that level of ability if far, far off should it happen at all. Tom has slotted into the midfield of United very well and if often seen operating the ball in tight spaces and pushing play forward. With Barry behind him he could be allowed as much room as he wishes in combination with Wayne Rooney to work some attacking magic. Watch this space.

Striker – Wayne Rooney - It’s Wayne Rooney. Anyone disagree? No, thought not.

Striker – Danny Welbeck - Welbeck’s season-long stint at Sunderdland last year seems to have worked a treat. He is strong and quite robust and always willing to put himself on the line for the team and it seems he has a keen eye for goal as demonstrated against Arsenal and Tottenham. Still only in his very early 20s, should Welbeck continue to develop as he is, we should see the arrival of a very good player over the next few years.

So, over to you. Who do you think would best suit England’s future if picking from Manchester’s young crop?

World Cup Statistics can exclusively reveal that Barcelona FC have been declared the winners of football. The Catalan giants added to their already obscenely impressive recent trophy haul by defeating Portuguese side Porto FC 2-0 in the UEFA Super Cup. The competition, which pits the winner of the previous year’s UEFA Champions League against the winner of the previous year’s UEFA Europa League, formally the UEFA Cup, in a France-based friendly with extras. The victorious side are claimed Ultimate Champions of Europe by football’s European Lord and Master, Michel Platini.

Porto put up more than a good fight, and an almost literal one as the game came to a close by having two players sent off. The game proved an entertaining spectacle but it was Barcelona’s skill that claimed the victory in the end after the opening goal, scored by Lionel Messi following a defensive blunder, saw new-boy Cesc Fabregas make it 2-0 in the dying minutes.

On a trip to Wales recently, this writer opened the jousting field by starting a game of ‘I, Spy’. A ‘P’ was thrown out to the eager mass of 3 competitors and the game began. The answers came slow and muddy and the interest in discovering just lay behind the ‘P’ seemed to wane until one young man in the back of the car started officially broke the game. He broke ‘I, Spy’. His answer to the question of ‘P?’ was something to monumental it is now the case that to entertain the arena of journey-based games will hold only cold memories of confusion and mild peril. This is what Barcelona have done to football. They have broken football and ultimately, they have won it.

Barcelona didn’t need fixing, but they have added Alexis Sanchez and Cesc Fabregas to their already pointlessly depressing squad. Given that they have been crowned champions La Liga for consecutive years and the Champions League three times in 6 years you’d think that there would be no point in adding players to a side that already paste the floor with everyone else. They have, and as a result, WCS has declared them the CHAMPIONS OF FOOTBALL FOREVER. This more than honorary title bestows upon Pep Guardiola’s team of magicians the opportunity to save all our souls and fall upon their sword for the good of the game and many marriages in and around Europe.

It has been proposed here at WCS towers, which are a deep, dark and murderous series of walkways and corridors, all surrounding The Plaza of Detestable Individuals, that Barcelona should be disbanded forcefully and made to start again. This tactic, often employed in the game Mouse Trap when someone decides to build the rollercoasters and mazes before the first roll of a dice is one we feel is fair to absolutely to everyone. It is true that those in the know laud upon the European Champions, every compliment possible, but the rest of the football fans’ fraternity lie awake at night fearing the Catalan side’s arrival at their stadium.

So, in the name of sanity we have decided what players should go to what team in what league in order to redress the balance of ‘what’s the point in turning up?’ Here is our final list and let it be known that this was not a list assembled without complaint, struggle, strife and the odd death. Our parrot will never be the same either.

WCS Barcelona Player Redistribution Roster 2011

GK – Victor Valdes. Valdes, a player often suspected of not really being a goalkeeper but just someone’s mate the club put in goal because they have because footballing law says they should, should go to AC Milan. The Milano giants have been long served by Christian Abbiati but it has been said that his quality isn’t that of a top side. He’s certainly a good keeper but by no means is he in the top 5 in the world. Valdes’ experience would be just the right quality someone in between the sticks would need to strengthen the red and black’s side.

LB – Eric Abidal. The Frenchman has recently recovered from a rather serious case of cancer. You wouldn’t think it given the lanky full-back’s defensive and attacking play is just as potent as ever. His bombing runs up and down the left wing form one of the main focuses of Barcelona’s play and after consulting the runes we decided that he should play for, Arsenal. With Gael Clichy getting lost on the way to Edinburgh on a family holiday, only to find himself at the Manchester City training ground completely by accident, Arsene Wenger’s side could do with a consistent and powerful fullback. Abidal fills that role.

CB – Gerard Pique. The ex-Barcelona, ex-Manchester United, now Barcelona player’s performances in his first season surprised everyone. His composure, awareness and positional nous made him look like a player way in advance of his still early years. He is also giving it to Shakira. Such qualities would be best served at a side that are in need of stabilising and leading by the scruff of the neck. This is no coincidence and certainly no love-in, but he too should play for Arsenal.

CB – Carlos Puyol. Captain Caveman can stay where he is. We don’t talk about his right-back performance in the Champions League final in 2009 either.

RB – Daniel Alves. Alves is one of those players what can immediately polarise. He’s beyond brilliant on his day and an absolute ******* the rest of the time, but you need that. He brings the type of play that can see your team chasing his shadows but if you catch him, you’ll be chasing the referee to tell him that the Brazilian dived. Alves would best suit a side such as Liverpool. His interplay with the likes of Luis Suarez, Raul Meireles and Steven Gerrard would bamboozle opposition sides and no doubt up the ante for the Mersy…side.

CM – Xavi Hernandez. The second coming of every son of whatever God you believe in simply has it all. Passing, pressing, a brain, nice skin and clean boots. What more could you want? This player would best suit a side that is in need of creativity in the midfield; someone who would make the front player’s job a hell of a lot easier. With Wesley Sneider still, as it stands, playing for Internazionale, their main competitors would best be served with a player who could unlock the attacking prowess of Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Robinho. With Andrea Pirlo deciding to move on to Juventus, A.C Milan are in need of a locksmith.

CM – Sergio Busquets. Sloppy Biscuits should go to Tottenham Hotspur. Why? Because with Rafael Van Der Vaart and Luka Modric in a side soon to be fronted by Emmanuel Adebayor, a man in the middle who can quite simply close play down and hold the fort would allow those two creative players to run as much havoc as they wish. With Gareth Bale and Aaron Lennon erupting beside him he could be a player that helps Ol’ Arry’s side get back to the top of the Barclay’s Premier League.

CM – Andrés Iniesta. The third coming of the son of whatever God you believe in ALSO has it all, much like Xavi. He also looks like he could to with some red meat. But that’s another story. Little Andrés would work a treat in a side like Bayern Munich. The Germans have a wealth of talent in their side but without a world-class striker – Miroslav Klose should be five years younger – they could do with adding an extra brain to their Bastian Schweinsteiger led midfield. Toni Kroos and Anatoliy Tymoshcuk aside, Thomas Müller is key in the advanced position for the Germans, so with Iniesta in behind him, helping the play flow, the wide men Arjen Robben and Franck Ribery would prosper greatly. It’s something I’d want to see anyway.

LW/ST – David Villa. Bloody hell. David Villa. Where could the mountain of attack go? Any team would benefit from this man’s inclusion, much like any team would benefit from any of the Barcelona player’s inclusion but with this chap, like the upcoming selections, you have to be a little more tactical in choice. Villa brings power, pace, accuracy, drive, guile, skill and energy to your side, so who could do with a bit of that to raise their game on the top level? With Ashley Young proving his worth at Manchester United, David Silva running the show at Manchester City, Juan Mata and Florent Malouda pulling the wing strings at Chelsea, the only place David Villa should go to is, wait for it…Udinese. I know, I know what you’re thinking but Udinese are only a few signings from being such a good side. They are already wonderful to watch but with the likes of Villa replacing Sanchez in the black and white of the team from Udine.

RW/ST – Alexis Sanchez. Alexis Sanchez should go to Inter Milan. If Sneijder leaves and with Eto’o already gone to some Russian side for billions of gold coins, the one thing this side will lack if pace, both in play and in legs. Forming a front three of Diego Milito, Giampaolo Pazzini and Sanchez, with Esteban Cambiasso holding the midfield for Javier Zanetti and Ricardo Alvarez/Thiago Motta, Inter’s side would boat a mixture of power and speed.

ST/LW/RW – Lionel Messi. Right. Him, then. No, I’m not going to say Manchester United simply because I happen to, y’know, look at their matches more than occasionally. Let me just say in deciding this, the Consult of WCS – a shady, brooding  meandering cult of loonies and pirates – looked not only at the rune stones, the constellations, attended many open psychic nights at the local pub ‘The Bitch and Bender’ but also looked at something modern people call science. In doing so it was suggested that Lionel Messi be given to no one team but given to medical science for humanitarian purposes. We judged that was totally sensible and decided to make another plan instead.

Lionel Messi…should be kept in cryogenic stasis, deconstructed molecule by molecule, studied, cloned and eventually have his DNA fused into every embryo in every test tube lad in the land. We have to make a legion of Messi’s in order to keep football from collapsing. This lad is so good, it’s pointless to even breath next to him, because he will no doubt be doing the same, although if he didn’t it wouldn’t affect him, and he’d be doing it better anyway. Lionel should be given to everyone.

Oh, the answer that broke ‘I Spy’? Hmm. Well, here it is…

I asked: “I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with P.”

My friend, sat in the back, answers: “…….planet.”

BROKEN.

Brazilian legend and icon midfielder Socrates is recovering a Sao Paulo hospital after suffering a stomach haemorrhage. The former Corinthians man played 60 times for Brazil and notched up 22 goals for ‘A Seleção’. He was also part of what has been famously known as ‘the best side not to win the World Cup’ when he took to the field in the 1982 World Cup finals in Spain. Brazil were eliminate 3-2 by eventual winners Italy following an epic Paulo Rossi hat trick. Pele named Socrates in 2004 as one of the top living footballers of all time.

Socrates appeared upbeat in an Internet interview and was already looking ahead to what he will be doing following recovery:

The lanky attacking midfielder has assured his place in World Cup history following some elegant performances than spanned two World Cup finals: 1982 and 1986, and captained the side in the former tournament. He helped get Brazil back in the game against Italy with a trademark finish that left Dino Zoff bemused on the Spanish turf. Socrates is an outspoken left wing campaigner, and was most famous for challenging the military dictatorship in Brazil during the 1980s. Socrates was a graceful and beautifully cultured attacking midfielder, who sadly aren’t produced anymore – we wish him a very speedy recovery.